News

1. The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of Maths disruption.

5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

9. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

WHAT IS A GRANDPARENT?

Taken from papers written by a class of 8-year-olds. 

Grandparents are a lady and a man who have no little children of their own. They like other peoples.

A grandfather is a man & a grandmother is a lady!

Grandparents don't have to do anything except be there when we come to see them.

They are so old they shouldn't play hard or run.

It is good if they drive us to the shops and give us money.

When they take us for walks, they slow down past things like pretty leaves and caterpillars. They show us and talk to us about the colors of the flowers and also why we shouldn't step on 'cracks.'

They don't say, 'Hurry up.'

Usually grandmothers are fat but not too fat to tie your shoes.

They wear glasses and funny underwear.

They can take their teeth and gums out.

Grandparents don't have to be smart.

They have to answer questions like 'Why isn't God married?' and 'How come dogs chase cats?'

When they read to us, they don't skip.

They don't mind if we ask for the same story over again.

Everybody should try to have a grandmother, especially if you don't have television because they are the only grownups who like to spend time with us.

They know we should have snack time before bed time, and they say prayers with us and kiss us even when we've acted bad.

A 6-YEAR-OLD WAS ASKED WHERE HIS GRANDMA LIVED. ''OH,'' HE SAID, ''SHE LIVES AT THE AIRPORT, AND WHEN WE WANT HER, WE JUST GO GET HER. THEN WHEN WE'RE DONE HAVING HER VISIT, WE TAKE HER BACK TO THE AIRPORT.''

GRANDPA IS THE SMARTEST MAN ON EARTH! HE TEACHES ME GOOD THINGS, BUT I DON'T GET TO SEE HIM ENOUGH TO GET AS SMART AS HIM!

It's funny when they bend over; you hear gas leaks, and they blame their dog.

Well, it could have been yesterday, but where was it please?

_______________________________________________________________

Well, they did want to join Footpath Companions, but couldn't keep up. Where did we leave them?

________________________________________________________________________________

               Answers to Photo Quiz No. 17

This small folly is at Woolbeding House, using stone from Scotland and set in what Disraeli described as “the loveliest valley”.  It was used in the civil wedding ceremony of Sir Simon Sainsbury and Stewart Grimshaw. Simon Sainsbury left art works worth £100 million to the National Gallery and The Tate.

The gnarly tree is in The Race, Easebourne, a permitted footpath on the Cowdray Estate, comprising a long line of sweet chestnuts around 300 to 400 years old. 

_____________________________________________________________________________________

It's not far away and if you need a shopping trolley, you've got the wrong building.

_______________________________________________________________

 Don't look too long or you might see a face in this tree - where?

_____________________________________________________________

        Answers to Photo Quiz No. 16

 This photo is from one of Jeff's walk near Brighton and is a

favourite spot for hang and para gliders - the Devil's Dyke.

 This is Foxcombe House near Harting, Built in 1939

History: this house was built on the site of Castle Farmhouse, which was built in 1786 for St Harry Fetherstonhaugh as an estate farmhouse to Up Park, and which was demolished in 1939 to be replaced by the present structure. It is reputed that some of the stone used in Castle Farmhouse came from an earlier house (Ladywell), and some of the stone in the present structure may be reused from Castle Farmhouse. Thanks to British Listed Buildings.